So I had watched the movie "Girl, Interrupted" today. This movie stars Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie, Brittany Murphy, Clea DuVall, Jared Leto, Whoopi Goldberg and a few other actors that I don't feel like naming off. This movie was based off of the novel by Susanna Kaysen and her journey through living in a mental institute for 18 months.
It was a pretty fucked up movie, and that's why I loved it. I think it really demonstrated how sometimes you just never know what's going on in your head. It also kinda got me wondering about perception and how people view or understand one another. To Susanna, she didn't think she was crazy, and neither did a few of the other nurses working in the ward, but according to the psychiatrists she had some borderline psycho-neurotic problem and made her do such things.
I actually think it's really weird talking about this movie. I dunno. It's like this little bit of me was kind of exposed in this movie. As I was watching it I couldn't help but think "that's exactly how I feel."
I often feel like I'm kept in this box, and I can see all of my surroundings, and I want to reach and touch and feel and smile and laugh, but I can't. I'm not able to get out, nor am I able to tell someone to let me out. Although I hate this feeling, and I've mentioned it before here, I can never rid it. I'm just playing games with my mind to keep myself occupied.
Like Susanna, I'm ambivalent.
I'm torn between wanting to stop these feelings, and between accepting them as my alibi. My other half, my excuse, that I can just turn to when I feel the need to submerge in empty thoughts and chasms of sadness.
Have you seen the movie? What did you think of it? I highly recommend it if you haven't.